Breaking news: You were never supposed to heal “on your own!!!!”
In a culture of hyper-independence and self-reliance, we are conditioned to believe that “handling it on our own” is the optimal way to navigate life’s challenges. We learn that to ask for help means to possess the scarlet letters of being a “B-U-R-D-E-N” and that we “should” be able to “just figure it out by ourselves.”
I am here to remind you that this is some “American Dream” bullshit. As humans, we do not just crave connection, but we need connection. We need our stories to be witnessed by others. We need to feel heard, seen, and acknowledged by other human beings. We are supposed to be connected within a supportive community, and actually have much better physical and mental health outcomes when we feel that we are a piece of a greater community. We are INTER-dependent, not IN-dependent.
In other words, you were never supposed to “heal on your own.”
The notion of “healing on our own,” is one rooted in a societal fallacy of independence. We exist in relationship to others – to our families and friends and ancestors - and also to strangers and systems and communities. Our lives are relational… so why would we expect that healing happens in a distilled, self-reliant container? Healing requires connection, relationships, and storytelling.
Unfortunately, our society is extremely fragmented and disconnected, especially in the symptomatic aftermath of such immense detachment in the context of the pandemic, technology, politics, capitalism, colonialism... the list goes on and on.
I write to remind you that it is okay… actually it is encouraged, and crucial to ask for help. It is okay, encouraged, and crucial to feel supported. It is okay, encouraged, and crucial to heal in relationships.
Give yourself permission to be witnessed.
With gratitude,
Emily
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